In this episode we’ll discuss the importance of overcoming fear and discomfort in your hair growth journey. We’ll also talk about societal expectations, the importance of personalized treatment, and The Top Five Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie Ware.

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Episode 149: Afraid of Hair Loss Treatments? How to Build Confidence and Start

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Transcription: 

Hello everybody and welcome back to the Alopecia Angel podcast. I am your host Johanna Dahlman. And today we're going to be talking about being scared and what that looks like and how I've seen it transgress throughout my life and how being uncomfortable is necessary to push through sometimes. And I have a lot to say around this and so I wanted to bring this up because, sometimes when we make big decisions, we get scared, or when we're about to do something, right?

So for example, in general, statistics show that most people are scared of public speaking. And this is true for the majority of people. For me, I actually like it a lot, I enjoy it, but that's not to say that in the beginning I was a little scared. In the beginning I did have sweaty palms. In the beginning I did have this nervousness, this minor anxiety. In the beginning I did have, maybe some butterflies in the stomach or maybe for some of you, maybe you want to throw up or maybe you want to go to the bathroom or maybe you want to do other things. And so being scared to commit has various levels and I wanted to go through that. And how does this, tie back into healing your hair loss? Stick with me, follow along, and I will definitely show you how this ties in.

Quick story though, back when was 20, 21, I went to go study abroad. It was a year long program to Brazil, and I went to go study abroad, and I ended up going to Brazil. By happenstance, I was really supposed to go to Italy because I had been studying for three years Italian at the college level and you know becoming fluent and I was supposed to go to Italy. For some reason this program had closed and they had way too many people who were interested in Italy, I understand why. And so then the only option for me to do study abroad in a country that was possible with my major and with everything And the time frame and, time frame for graduating, et cetera, was Brazil. And I was like, I'm bored. I didn't have any Portuguese in me. Nothing. Not even one word.

I didn't even know how to say hello in Portuguese. Yes, I was already fluent in Spanish. Yes, I had, two, three years of Italian. But at the same time, I still didn't have any Portuguese. And I was supposed to be doing my upper division courses in Portuguese, graduating with these for my GPA, for my, exams, for everything. All of this counted towards graduation, so I had to do well. I couldn't just, do a C or have some mediocre grades. I needed to do very well. In Portuguese, everything, writing, reading, paperwork, homework, tasks, everything in Portuguese for the various subjects.

So this was a daunting task and being the confident self of me I said, you know what? That's okay, let's do this. I'm going to bet on me. I'm going to bet on me to do this. Now
lo and behold, mind you, there's a bunch of other factors that could have gone wrong, but because I bet on me, it all came through. Everything from paying for the study abroad, to getting the documents in on time, to getting the the permissions from certain directors at school, and certain teachers and professors, and certain quizzes and tasks, and all these things to showcase that I was able to succeed in this course. Able to succeed at this study abroad. It wasn't just a course, it was multiple, classes and courses throughout the year, all in Portuguese, mind you.

Arriving to Brazil with zero, zero Portuguese, and when I got there, I was I was a little dumbfounded, right? I started at level one, and the first month it was a really deep dive course into just the language aspect. So it was gearing me up for the actual coursework of the university level. So I ended up starting with level one and 3 weeks in and I was crying my eyes out because I was just like: Oh no, I'm not understanding, I'm not getting this. And this is somebody who already had, Spanish, English, and Italian under her belt. And the Portuguese was not clicking for me. For some reason it was not clicking and not clicking fast enough. I remember this day and it was quite funny. The situation unfolded where by the end of this language intensive course, graduated at a level 3, which was significant but also very helpful in order for me to, again, do my university level course work in Portuguese.

Out of this triumphant situation of a year long process in Brazil, I came out fluent and 8 years later, I actually got a job at the best company in the world, that's Apple, because of my Portuguese. I didn't know that Portuguese would be used or needed. In the workforce, especially living in the US, I didn't think Portuguese was necessary, but at the same time I liked acquiring languages and experiences. And I was like, okay, let's just, be trilingual fluently. And, lo and behold, this company hired me because of my Portuguese. Had I not had the Portuguese, they wouldn't have hired me literally for this specific position that I had. And so due to that, sometimes we look at a situation, let's say hair loss, or let's say my study abroad, like it's one thing. Like it's only gonna give us this one thing. In my case, it was gonna be the study abroad experience, the living in Brazil, getting the language, making friends abroad, and having a great time.

And low and behold, it gave me something so much more. Not just for my resume, not just for working, not just for my life, but also for other ways to interact with people. Other ways to, communicate, other ways to identify and understand people, and also maneuver around other languages too. Having lived in the Netherlands, having lived in Japan, it was quite easy in many ways to pick up these languages without having to try so hard. And this is the beauty of it. It was scary to go to a foreign country and not know one word of the language and have my life depend on it essentially, because if not, I wouldn't have graduated on time and it was scary to have to come up with the amount of money, which was $10,000 to show in my bank account so that I could go and be accepted by the consulate of Brazil in Los Angeles. So that they can give me the student visa and do this.

And I gotta tell you, if I were to really go into all the details, you would be mind blown of how short of a time frame. Because I slipped into this study abroad as a last minute
rescue mission almost. Because literally, for some reason the organization overlooked the capacity and it was already too many people by the time I, even though I applied on time and I did everything on time, there was already too many people. And so I was not accepted into the program. I did this rescue mission to get into Brazil and I had to do it all within 3 weeks. That means show $10,000 which I didn't have. Get the consulate to approve everything, to get the letters. And the thing is, this was, over 20 years ago. So think about it the hoops that I had to jump through In order just to get approvals from so many different people whether it was the consulate whether it was the director of the program Whether it was the directors at school. I mean you name it. I had to jump through a gazillion hoops

And the money part was very scary because I didn't have $10,000. I was a student Yes, I had a job. Yes. I was working through college, but at the same time, it was not that amount that I had saved up, not at all. And so even to show all this in 3 weeks and to get the money and everything and make this all happen was feat in all itself. It was a triumphant experience, it really was. But it also proved to me that when I want something, that when I'm committed and when it's a hell yes, that I'll do anything to make this happen. That same feeling, that same opportunity came about when I got alopecia. And I had that same fervor, that same ignited fire in me to say: I'm gonna heal myself and I'm gonna make this happen. Come hell or high water, I'm gonna make this happen. It didn't matter what obstacles I had, I knew I could do it.

Now granted, the hoops that I had to go through for alopecia took 4 years. It wasn't 3 weeks. And, again, there was no timeline. The only timeline was my own sanity, how long I could endure it, right? This is a marathon, at least for me it was. How long I could endure it. For those of you not committed to yourself, I will say don't expect good results in anything you do. Whether it is healing your hair loss, whether it is going to study abroad, whether it is getting that next job, whether it is, let's say you're going through anything else that you want to pick, whether it's, trying to, master the guitar, whether it's trying to paint better, whether it's trying to bake better, or cook better, or, another language, or what have you. Don't expect good results if you are not committed. And that includes parenting, and that includes self love, and that includes the dedication to you and to yourself.

And so me having to look back and seeing how scared I was, like truly scared, like where am I going to get the money? How am I going to, go to LA, come back to, Southern California and Orange County? And do this and do that and got all these approvals, get the flight. Mind you, the flight alone was like $1,500 from LA to Brazil. And then all these other things that I needed just to get there. You know what I mean? This was a lot that I had to do in just 3 weeks. And thank God I was able to do it because it was the best experience ever.

You don't know this about me, but I've studied abroad five times in my life and I'm somewhat addicted. I love education. I love learning and I love traveling. And those are three things that they marry so well together. So here's a side note. If you have children, if you've ever wanted to do it, don't give up hope. You can do this at any age. Studying
abroad is open for anything that you want to do at any age. Trust me, I've done it as an adult, I've done it as a child, I've done it as a teenager, I've done it as a young adult, I've done it as a college student. You can do this. I did it during my master's program and every time it's been so fruitful. Not only is it a resume builder, But it's exciting. It's exciting to learn something abroad and to live it.

Let's go back to being scared and to biting the bullet and committing to yourself. I will say that those that are. Committed that they're like, yes, I want to do this. Yes. I want to heal my alopecia. Yes, get me on this program and let's go. Those are the trailblazers, those are the people who I see get quicker results because they are 100% committed 100% not faltering and I get it because I've been there too. Sometimes I've been at a decision, at a fork in the road, so to speak, where I needed to make a decision, whether it was in life, whether it was to take a job, move, get married have kids, all these life decisions, right? Some of it can be scary because there's a lot of unknowns, right? There's a lot of unknowns. There's an unknown and there's a lot of what ifs that like to plan ahead, right? A lot of what ifs. What if I miss the flight? What if the plane goes down? What if, I don't like the people who are at the study abroad program? And what if I don't like Brazil? And what if I don't like the food? Or I can't manage, or this and that?

You gotta spin it the other way, first off. You need to spin it the other way. You gotta think like everything is gonna happen in your favor. And I truly believe that once you commit to something, whether it's to build a house, build a family or anything else, the universe will conspire to give you what you want. But we need to go in faith. We need to go fully committed. And when it comes to hair loss, will say it is scary because there are a lot of unknowns. However, this is where I'm going to decipher where you have more control, where you don't have control. And this is why we tend to be a little more suspect and suspicious of results, of how things are going to work out for us. So let me give you an example. So let's say you're at the store and you are looking for a shampoo, a specialty shampoo for hair loss or a specialty supplement for hair loss. These tend to be like a hair, skin, nails, right? Or let's say you're grabbing the Rogaine or Minoxidil or let's say you're grabbing prescription from your doctor.

The thing is that you can read as many reviews as you want from the shampoo, from the Minoxidil, from this, from that. You can read about the side effects, you can read about, the integrity of the company and in so many things. But what I would say to you is start thinking in a different way. So for example, you see these things on a shelf, even the laser caps, even the PRP, even, wigs, everything else, right? But the thing is like all these things it's meant to help millions of people with one formula. For example, those wigs or the PRP or the laser cap, it's one cap for millions of people, it's one PRP solution, quote unquote, for millions of people, for the hair nail supplements, it's one supplement for millions of people. And guess what? This is the kicker: It's supposed to work the same for everybody across the board, and it doesn't. It can't. It absolutely doesn't and it can't.

And you know why it can't? Because we're so bio individual. We all have a different biology, we all have a different set of needs, we all have different types of hair loss. We
all have different types of a resume, as I like to call it. A medical resume of what's going on and what's not going on. This is the situation, is that it needs to have a personalized, custom made formula for you. And so that's why the medications don't work, that's why the serums, the lotions, the potions, the Rogaine's, the pills, none of these things work when it's a one size fits all. What does work? You know what does work? Betting on yourself. This is what I've done each time to allow myself to move the needle, to allow myself to go all in.

For for example, yes, the study abroad. Yes, it's a group of people, it's organized by a university institution etc. However, the one learning the language is me, the one immersing herself in the country is me, the one gaining the experience is me. The one making the best of it is me. And the one graduating with these courses and, doing the coursework, etc, is me. And so if I bet on myself, I know, hand to the fire, I know that I can do this. And I know I can do anything I set my mind to, point blank. I know Johanna Dahlman can do anything she sets her mind to. Those hoops, let's go back to those hoops that I had to go through. I was absolutely exhausted with having to do so many things in just 3 weeks, including gaining the money and grabbing the money, $10,000 I had to show in my bank account on a bank statement to the consulate for them to release the student visa for me to go. I didn't have this money. My parents didn't give me this money. Had to get this and I don't know how, and I did. I'll tell you later, but this happened and I got to tell you, it was just, it just came to me almost on my lap. Almost, almost. It was that simple. And I got to tell you, I was just like: I'm in, let's do it. I don't care if there's interest, I don't care if I have to pay this over time. I'm in, I essentially placed it on a credit card and I was like, let's do this, let's go. This is my future, this is what I want. This is what's meant to be and it's going to happen. I was committed, I was committed to the process to the outcome and dedicated because I knew I bet on me.

Now going back to the alopecia, I didn't have the expert, I didn't have the knowledge, I didn't have the tools, the techniques, the nothing. I had nothing, I started from the diagnosis. That's where I started from. Just the diagnosis and then from there, everything started building up and I started doing all the trials and errors, all the research. Now, when it comes to the alopecia, I've already told you that this was probably my biggest Mount Everest that I've ever had to tackle in my life. And there's been other Mount Everest in my life, right? It hasn't been an easy road. But I will say that this one has been the most fruitful. Because, again, with that mindset that I can do anything I set my mind to, and because I'm betting on me, I'm not wishing and hoping and praying that the serum, the lotion, the potion is gonna work out for me. I'm betting on me, you see the difference? There's a big difference between saying: Hey, I'm hoping and praying that this serum, lotion, potion, supplement, etc, is going to work versus saying, I'm in the driver's seat, I'm going to take control, and I'm going to take my health and my hair to the outcome that I'm looking for. Because I'm committed to me and to my outcome.

So alopecia, I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that I would get my hair back. I knew that I would heal and reverse this. I knew that this would happen. I just didn't know how, and I didn't know how long. But I was committed to me and I was committed to my
outcome. And with that, all the steps started showing up. All the paths, everything started showing up in my favor and all the ideas started showing up. And all the next things that I needed to do started showing up. And so there's a big difference when you start investing in a program, but you're the one driving the program versus you investing in something that you don't know what you're getting.

You don't know what you're getting like the minoxidil, like the prescriptions, like the supplements, like the PRP, like the laser caps, like the wigs. Like you understand what you're getting but you also aren't in full comprehension of its limitations or if it's truly going to give you longterm results for you. Does that make sense? And so this is the difference between the Hair N' Heal being in the driver's seat, taking your health and your hair to that next level versus being scared and weary whether if and when it works because it does work. It's a proven formula. If it's tailored to you, it's going to work. You just need to follow the steps. But when it comes to the stuff on the shelf, when it comes to the stuff at the stores, all from, like I said, from the laser caps to the PRP to wigs, to anything else, all of that is the big unknown. And I will say that there's a test that you can do to see if the situation is right for you to see if you should go all in, because that's what the universe is really wanting you to do is for you to go all in is waiting for you to be 100% committed.

And that takes effort. It takes effort, whether it's a commitment to your relationship, to your marriage, to parenting, to being a friend, to your work, to your community, to anything else. For it to thrive, you need to be committed. For example, I like to garden. If you've seen my social media reels, you've seen my, some of my dahlias, you've seen some of my pumpkins, you've seen some of my watermelons that I like to garden. I love to garden, and now after being so many years abroad, now I actually have a garden and guess what? Now I can actually, plant things and watch them. But it's not once a week, it's, throughout the week, I'm looking at it, I'm watering it. I'm making sure the hydrangeas are okay I'm making sure the lavender is okay. I'm looking at the peonies, you know, you need to be in tune. You need to be there, present, committed, dedicated on a regular basis because I know when it comes to hair loss you're obsessed about it. I know because I was, I know because I was in your shoes.

So you are obsessed with your hair loss, you're obsessed with your hair growth. So let's be obsessed and committed to upgrading our hair, to upgrading our health and let's go all in. Let's commit. And when you start to see the transformation, it all makes it worth it. All of it makes it so worthwhile. And I'll say, going back to my study abroad situation, not just in Brazil, but in China, in India, and everywhere else, all of it has been so fruitful and all of it has given me, good and bad experiences, lots of learning lessons. But it doesn't deter me from wanting to do it again and again. It doesn't. The last time I studied abroad was like in 2016 and I went to China and it was amazing. And so the thing is it's like you can do this at any point you can commit to yourself and to that one goal you have or those 2 goals that you have or all the goals that you have and granted time is of the essence because as you know, the longer you wait to heal, more than likely the more hair loss. So the sooner you start the better it is.
But let me go ahead and I wanted to share with you a book that was written by a nurse and this book was very pronounced and it's called the top 5 regrets of the dying from Bronnie Ware, and she's a nurse that She's a hospice nurse that she was she had interviewed many clients of hers that clearly have passed on to a better life, and these were the top 5 regrets:

Number #1 I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. She says that this was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled, how many goals have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made or not made. It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize until they no longer have it. I'm quoting here from her book, and so this is huge.

So let me go back and intertwine this a little bit. So if you want your hair, understand you can have it, and the only one holding you back right now is you. So your hesitancy, your excuses, can all be valid, very valid, but at the same time, it's only holding you back. And so for example, going back to my situation with study abroad. Yes, I had to come up with the $10,000, yes, I put it on a credit card. And yes, I was paying interest. For how long? God only knows. I'm debt free, I'll tell you that much though. And I like it that way after having gone through what I went through in my 20s. But was it worth it? 100%. It has given me something that you can't go back in time for. I can't go back in time and try to relive that. It's all in here and it's all in here. It's in my heart and in my mind. And those feelings are irreplaceable. And there's a saying in Spanish. that says: No one can take away what you've already danced. Meaning, if you've already lived some something, no one can take away that experience.

And so that's something that I live by a little bit because I don't want to have any regrets, and especially when it's over money or over time or over anything. It's just, you make it happen, you want it, you make it happen. If it's driving out of the way, you drive out of the way, but you make it happen. Don't have any regrets in life.

So number #2 I wish I hadn't worked so hard. This is probably a big one. This came from every male patient that I nursed, she says. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence. By simplifying your lifestyle, making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle. I wish I hadn't worked so hard. So that's number #2 and she says that this came mainly from her male patients.
Number #3 I wish I had the courage to express my feelings. I think this is a big one.. I see in general, friends, family, etc, that they hold in their thoughts, they hold in what they're feeling and it's unfortunate because then that also you start to harbor resent, you start to harbor sadness, anger, and it doesn't allow for space for joy and happiness. It says here, many people suppress their feelings in order to keep the peace with others. Everyone knows a peacemaker in their family, huh? The result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses related to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result. We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end, it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that, or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way you win.

Number #4 Was I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends, and this is probably a hard one for me because I've lived in so many different places and I have so many different friends, but it's something I am working on because I do know that this is important to have community, to have friends and to rekindle those friendships. So now that I'm living back in the US, this is a beautiful thing because I have little by little started to rekindle friendships and it's a beautiful thing. Bronnie says: Often when they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip away over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved.

Everyone misses their friends when they are dying. It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendship slip, but when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible, but is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to even or ever manage this task. It all comes down to love and relationships in the end. This is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

Number #5 I wish I had let myself be happier. This is a big one, too. This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. Let me read that again: This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end of their days that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and old habits. The so called comfort of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others and to their selves that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful. To be able to let go and smile again long before you are dying. Life is a choice, it is your life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly, choose happiness. And in my case, I chose hair and health. And I think all of that goes together, the hair, the health, letting myself be the happiest possible, staying in touch with friends, being able to express my feelings, thank God for
this podcast because I'm able to express that on a consistent basis and the courage to live a life true to ourselves and not what others expect from me.

I know a lot of you grapple with that because some of you have quote unquote people and supporters telling you: Oh, it's okay, you can be bald. Oh, it's okay, it's just hair. Oh, it's okay. Be bald and proud and da. And again, if that's your choice, I respect that, but it's definitely was not my choice and not the route that I was going to take. Not the final say and not the final straw. I bet on myself and I was committed and I'm still committed, because I've kept my hair for over 9 years, regardless of COVID, regardless of pregnancy at 40, regardless of postpartum, regardless of anything. I still have my hair in it, and I still thrive, and I'm even better than I was before alopecia even started 100% better, healthier, mind, body, spirit, and that's what we should be striving for, to better ourselves.

I hope this has helped you. If you have any questions, feel free to contact us at [email protected] You can also learn more about the Hair N' Heal program on our website alopeciaangel.com Up in the top, you'll see Hair N' Heal and let me know if you have any concerns. If you're wanting to heal, I would say sooner the better, don't wait, because waiting is not a strategy. I look forward to talking to you next time. Thank you so much. Take care.