Episode 154: Loneliness in Life and Hair Loss

Welcome back, everybody, to the Alopecia Angel podcast, I'm your host, Johanna Dahlman. Today, we're going to be talking about loneliness. Loneliness happens not just due to the holidays, not just due to the season, but also within hair loss, also within the hair loss journey, also within other numerous areas of life, where you know, different times of life happens where we also tend to feel loneliness. And I'm the first to raise my hand and say that I felt loneliness a lot of times in my life.Most recently, probably the most, because I've moved around so many times I moved toJapan, moved to the Netherlands, moved back to the US to a whole new state that I've never lived in before, away from family and friends. And then, of course, having to make friends all over again, having to build a community all over again, having to find people, your tribe, people who understand you, people who truly value you for who you are, and nothing more. It's hard to find these people, but I will say that, just like the time and investment that you spend in your health, in your hair, in your wellness, it also gives back fruit of your labor, and the same thing happens when you start to pursue these friendships and pursue the activities and pursue the hobbies and pursue the volunteering and pursue all these things that will allow you to create community will allow you to create more things.And so I wanted to talk about loneliness just ever so slightly, because it does affect us mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, on so many different levels and I know thiswill look different for each person, not just because of the hair loss, but because of yourown personal situation. It's not ever going to be a one size fits all, but it will have certain aspects and certain characteristics to it that are similar in basis. I will say that looking back in my own journey within hair loss, It probably didn't help that I was right in between 2 different moves. I had moved to Colorado and then from there I had moved to the Netherlands and my time in Colorado was brief. Officially it was one year, but really it was less than 6 months because I had gone to Europe already to spend time with my fiance, which at the time he was just, you know, a boyfriend and then turned into fiance, then turned into husband, then, turned into lifelong partner. But at the same time, there was a bit of loneliness going into Colorado. And then, of course, less than a year later, moving to the Netherlands and starting from scratch allover again with new job, new community, new house, new everything. It's quite daunting, especially as an expat, but I think these tips can help anybody because it can be a lonely journey, but it doesn't have to be. I think maybe sometimes we need to be comfortable in our own skin to be uncomfortable, to move through the uncomfortableness of meeting new people, of putting ourselves out there. And so, some of the tips that I have is that when it comes to you and your loneliness of the hair loss.First and foremost, I would say, reach out to a community or network of people and many times you won't find it online. I never found it, because people don't necessarily understand what you're going through, and also because root causes could be different and they're trying to feed you things that are not necessarily true to you.And so this is part of it. Your situation, even though it is hair loss again, it's not a one size fits all, and your situation can look completely different to somebody else's. And those root causes can also look completely different. So in terms of hair loss, I would say really, during my time personally, what I did to meet people, to be out there, I started, doing community efforts and relief. So I was volunteering my time in Denver, I was volunteering at different food shelters at different homeless shelters. I was also volunteering at the food bank and really just helping out wherever possible meeting people and staying active and at the time of being busy and focus, whether it's, putting boxes and canned goods into, different areas and organizing them or what have youthat I was doing for the volunteer work, it allowed me to put my worries, my cares, my concerns, my own issues aside and it allowed me to focus on the here and the now.So staying present and I know staying present is really hard, but at the same time, whenyou're present with a task. Then it actually is very easy. Let's say cleaning the house, doing laundry, cooking food. These types of things allow you to just focus straight on to something that's happening right here and right now versus thinking about the hair loss versus thinking about, the loneliness aspect of everything potentially around you.Volunteering is one thing, community events is another, and just going out and about. Alot of times, I've traveled alone a) Because I'm comfortable in my own skin, but b)Because I had to for so many years for work, but prior to that, I've pushed myself toKnowingly unknowingly into these same circumstances. So, If you are not used to or accustomed to, let's say, traveling by yourself, then let's say, join a group, join a tourgroup of sorts for, let's say, interests that, are interesting to you. Let's say bird watching or photography, or it could be a yoga retreat or anything else. I'd say, gravitate towards these groups that you align with, whether it's age or demographics or interests or countries that you're looking to do and go with these groups and start traveling.And even just then as a single person, you will start to find and make new friends just even on the group. I have lots of stories to share in terms of that because many, traveling by myself, a lot of adventures by myself. But at the same time, I've always met somebody and, lo and behold, we're still in contact. We're still in touch and they've beena wonderful part of my life and of these chapters. And so the other thing I would say too,is, putting yourself out there a little bit more is always good for you in the long run.So let's say you want to attend a conference. You don't need somebody to attend a conference with, you can just go by yourself and meet people and strike up aconversation and this type of thing. And I think those are also very helpful. Many times I actually prefer going by myself because then there's more opportunity that actually lands to you versus you trying to, be stuck with a group of people or a cohort and then, not. Any opportunity coming in. I was watching TV the other day and Harry Potter movie came up, and so my family and I were watching the Harry Potter movie, and there wasa scene where the boys had to ask the girls to the dance. I forget which Harry Potter movie it was. In any case, Harry was saying to his friend: How do I even go intospeaking to this girl if she's always surrounded and crowded by so many other girls? He makes a good point because it is daunting to try to go into a group, go into a new setting with so many people there, especially when the person that you want to talk to or reach or connect with is surrounded by an entourage of others.But in this case, when you're by yourself, and everyone else is by themselves, and it makes it a lot easier to connect with a lot of other ideas that I could share with youwould be these type of Algonquin or supper or dinner type of events where, people come together as strangers, but then. They strike up conversations, they meet people, they have business connections, networking or friendships that strike or anything else.those types of events are also really fun and can be really enjoyed. And so being lonely doesn't necessarily. Have to happen. You can be surrounded by people and still feellonely, you can be at a concert and still feel lonely. So I understand that sometimes a lot of it is mental, a lot of it is also sometimes emotional because you're looking to connect with somebody. And I would say, if you know anyone who is losing their hair and who islonely, share with them, not just this podcast episode, but the rest of the podcast so that they can binge and listen and feel heard and feel seen and feel that they're being understood because I do understand people who are going through hair loss, whether it's autoimmune or not, because I've been there. I know exactly how that feels like, what my state of mind was emotionally, physically, mentally and all aspects and how to overcome it.Because what I was doing then, led me to where I am today in terms of healing that hair loss in terms of getting all my hair back. And then of course, turning this around and making it into a positive, into a positive, not just for me, but for everyone else. Going through hair loss, being a voice, a beacon, and a light so that everyone else can see that it's possible for them, but that it's also, at their fingertips, at their grass and it doesn't matter where they live. They live in Serbia, India, Macedonia. Norway, Switzerland,Ukraine, Mexico, Canada, Australia, New Zealand. It doesn't matter where you live, youcan still heal. And this is the key to this, and this is the beauty of the program as well.The other thing that I wanted to mention is that sometimes loneliness, gives you signs within the body and it actually makes you more open to the possibility of disease. And so this is something that I want you to have in the back of your mind so that you can understand that loneliness is not necessarily a good thing. It's nice to take time out for ourselves, but at the same time, if you are feeling lonely during the holidays because of family situations or a grief or a deceased person that you're longing for or something of this nature. It's necessary to really understand the root causes of our loneliness and to seek help. If joining the communities and joining, certain hobbies or giving back and volunteering is not enough, and let's say friendships and families are not enough, then I would say seek counseling, seek professional help in terms of this loneliness because at the same time, the more we put in to the efforts that we need, the better it is for us for our mental health, our spiritual health, our emotional health, and it all has a ripple effect.And so just having a negative self talk will have negative outcomes in your life. In the same token, having negative thoughts and feelings and, having that situation of loneliness be such a burden to you will also hinder your health in many ways. And so, research suggests that it actually hinders it in more than one. Let me share it with you:so loneliness can have significant impact on our health, increasing your risk for many physical and mental conditions, including heart disease and stroke, type 2 diabetes, depression and anxiety, dementia, earlier death, weakened immune system, poor sleep quality, chronic pain. Loneliness can also lead to poor diet, excessive alcohol consumption, smoking. Difficulty getting out of bed or the couch, lack of motivation, increased risk of complications from a hip fracture, increased likelihood of being readmitted to the hospital after a heart attack. The thing is, it's like there's always a correlation between our health outwardly and our inner health and our inner state.And so this is something to always keep in mind because if we are feeling something, there's always another way or an alternative on how to combat it. Naturally. And so again, some of those natural ways to combat loneliness is to find that hobby that you've always wanted to take up, adopt a pet, lay off the social media, acknowledge yourfeelings, practice self care and gratitude, talking to strangers, which I actually like to doa lot, volunteer, which I love to do as well. I don't have a pet, I'm off social media for the most part. I do acknowledge feelings, at the time and sometimes it's very obvious and it's hard to overcome the isolation. I'll say that, for many of you, you've already felt isolation during COVID and I will say some of the biggest times of my own isolation was with the hair loss because I couldn't talk to anybody about it because nobody understood. It was really talking to myself, maybe to my husband, but at the same time, it. It still wasn't the same thing because he didn't understand. He never went through it himself. And so it's one of those things where I understand where you still don't feel completely heard because the other person has never been in your shoes. And I totally get that.The other situation too is that, when you're in a new country, as I have been in so many countries living abroad, it's really hard to put yourself out there because not all of it is welcomed. For example, my natural being and characteristic is to be open and friendly and extroverted on many levels. A lot of times the cultures that I have moved to, let's say, Japan or the Netherlands are very closed. And they take their time to getting toknow you. And even then, maybe it's only they'll open the door ever so slightly and not so much. This is a generalization, and this is also my own experience. So if you're Japanese, or if you're Dutch, don't take this personally, this is just my own situation and take of it. And granted, I didn't live in any major cities in both of these countries. I lived in smaller cities where it was more traditional. And so when you're in a more traditional setting, you get more traditional minded people, right?When in doubt, I've always Looked into international communities. for example, in theNetherlands, I was always trying to do social meetups. They have an app called Meetup, and so with this app, you could look at people who love to go hiking, peoplewho love to go bicycling, people who love art or people who love pottery or anything else that you may be interested in. And it's a group of people who come to certain events and meet up together. And these are practically strangers, essentially. So if you're doing a yoga, trip, or let's say if you're learning how to make something or bake something. These people would come together and from there, by the end of the event, you have new friends, that's the idea. And so I would use meetup and many times and use this for different ways to do things. And even within the US moving around, it was also hard moving to Texas and Florida and Colorado was also challenging in its own right, because. You have a busy life already, but you still have zero friends and you're still trying to discover, where your local grocery store is, and where your, dry cleaners is that and all the things that you need are at.And so in the same state of mind being lonely. You can easily turn this around. And I think volunteering has helped me the most. In all honesty, I volunteered for example, inFlorida, one of the first things I did was to do a beach cleanup and I went to the beach, I think it was. Maybe right before thanksgiving that year. I went to the beach with a bunch of strangers, and it was a beach cleanup. And so everyone had plastic bags and gloves and we were cleaning up the beach and in Miami, just picking up all the trash. And so from there, I met somebody and she and I, we became great friends and we started hanging out and doing things together and all these activities from one event to another.Then I started making more and more friends and more like minded friends.That's just the key. When you want to combat loneliness, it's just the opposite, we have to put forth more energy to pick ourselves up and to move forward into helping others really. In helping others, we help ourselves, that's really how this works. In terms of, again, finding that hobby, making friends, chit chatting, having that connection, and in terms of the volunteering or the self care, it's all about you as well, but in a different way,in a different manner. And so I know that this will hopefully resonate with you, because again, loneliness does affect our health mentally, physically, emotionally, but it also impacts how we view things, our possibilities of overcoming loneliness or overcoming hair loss or achieving our goals.And so spin this always into a positive way because the loneliness factor is. Is, felt within, but at the same time, it can only be surface level. You can just make the surface level and create a bigger community in less time. Another tip I would say is to if you have the time is to take a few classes, and this would be anything from, guitar to a business course, to another language, and even with taking up these new courses, whether it's at a school facility or through a different, organization is that again, you will start to meet more and more people. And I think that's the beauty of opening yourself up to new people. new possibilities and I think we should be really concerned when we're not opening ourselves up, when we are becoming hermit crabs, when we are staying within our own comfort zone, and we're not pushing ourselves out into the world, because that's when we start to lose hope.

 We start to, to lose just any sense of ideal or possibility for us. And really your potential is unlimited, you have unlimited potential within you. It's just us that we need to exercise just a bit more that potential and push ourselves forward ever so slightly. I hope this podcast has helped. I wanted to go ahead and share with you a little bit of what. Our scholarship participant has said about the program so far and about her feelings of going through the program and obtaining the scholarship. I mentioned Priya and her participation, she was selected and because of her selection, she's utterly grateful. And the thing is, it's you don't know her backstory, but her backstory has so much there.She's been dealing with hair loss for over 15-18 years. And I know that she has the right mindset and she's in the right frame of mind in order to push through obstacles in order to achieve what she wants to achieve.And so I hope you garner some inspiration. The beauty to all this of her story is that in the Indian culture, there's a celebration called Diwali, and apparently she received the notification on this day, on Diwali day, and it wasn't done on purpose, it just happened tobe, right? And at the same time, Diwali is like Christmas for Indians, which I didn't know until now, and the beauty of that is that, again, she received it the day of, the day that she was losing a little more hope, the day that, Her light was a little more dimmer.And this is exactly what I want to rebound, I want to regain and have her and you and everyone else regain their confidence, their self esteem, their hair growth, their health, their ambitions, their goals. And like that future thinking of: Yes, I can do it. Yes, I can overcome this, and, this is a beautiful example of that. So here you go, listen in. Thank you so much.